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A lot of it stems from growing up in a household where open expressions of love and affection either didn't exist or were openly discouraged.

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Establishing Rapport:

Work with this girl for a year and she recently broke up with her fiance. Hung out with her and her friend once, then with her alone at my place. At my place was establishing rapport, kissing her, massaging her, playing with her breasts, but she said she won't have sex.

When she leaves I set up to hang out two days later. We hang out...with her friends. We make out at end of hangout but she leaves with friends.

See her two days later before work and have another makeout session (I'm going to work and she's leaving.) She says to me I haven't spoken with my ex in a month and a half and he's gonna be at my house waiting for me because he wants to talk.

Next day we talk (and realize this whole conversation was on phone text messaging.) I say let's hang out, she says she'd like to but has her friends birthday to go to. I say I'll pick you up after and she says I'm not gonna have sex with you but adds "I'm not bothered by your manliness."

She seems like good girl from all indications, not one night stand kinda girl, and I say I'm not just into having sex with you I like hanging with you also. Then I ask how long did you have your ex wait (I was talking about before they had sex, she misinterprets my question and thinks I'm referring to when her ex came by the previous day)


So she says he came by and we talked then we sat in silence for long time then fell asleep. (We were speaking on text messaging so it was hard to tell exactly what was going on here.) It occurred to me later that there is a very good chance they had sex. Didn't ask if they did though.


I do say to her I don't want to get into you if you're gonna get back with your ex. She says "ah well I'm not completely detached from him, meaning we'll still see each other and I don't know we'll never get back together." (This again is unclear to me, does she mean they'll never get back together or she doesn't know if they will.)


So then I bring back my original question by clarifying and saying I meant how long till you had sex with your ex. She said, "Four months of real dating."


Now I want to test her to see how into me she is so I say, "I'm busy tomorrow but let's hang out Thursday (which was the day after that.)" Her response was, "Ok, possibly then." I did not like this response at all.


Thursday comes and I had already made my decision, I'm not hanging out with her. I feel vulnerable because of the ex. I don't contact her, she doesn't contact me.


What do I do now? I'm pretty sure I should wait for her to contact me (which I think she will, even if it's just to talk) but how do I move forward?


I don't want to be the guy who's hanging with her establishing rapport and she won't have sex with (even if she eventually will) while she's getting all the sex she wants from her ex.